Article Pic

On that #StaySafe Tip

Hi please,

Still sanitizing, staying home, scrubbing your hands and social distancing? Also this COVID thing is every introvert’s idea of heaven because bare minimum human contact is the aim of the game!

What I do miss though is that my mhubiri anakuawanga hapo chini Kencom. Does he have an audience now? Much less of the size he used to command? In his opinion anaona hii COVID ikitupelekaje? Has he had a ‘visitation’ with regards to the same? How does he never lose his voice? And with all those Hoppas, the manz has never spotted a homa – make it make sense! These really are the musings that keep me up at night. Tangu nitoke bedsitter niende 1br, hata shida zangu zimechange. Manifest.

Anyhu, juzi I wanted to dash somewhere but I couldn’t take a cab coz the taxi app kept rejecting my preferred mode of payment. Naturally I tweeted my (other) bank and the taxi company to find out what the issue was. But time was not on my side so ikabidi nipande mat.

I finally landed one I thought would get me there fastest – we all know them. One of those with three isles and whew! Hey, would penning a name like Qatar Landways land me in copyright hot soup? Coz yo…! The mat rides even feel different. What a time to be alive, huh! Who would have ever thought ‘personal space’ and matatu would ever exist in the same sentence?

I took to the middle seat before realizing the two babes on each of my sides were actually in the company of one another. Now I’m not one to ‘come in between’ two people but as soon as I started to offer to switch seats, the jav started moving. I’m quite the klutz. I was not going to risk falling over it so I just sat there. In retro I’m not too sure that they were keen to sit together and make conversation. So basically I saved the day there.

Kidogo a text notification came into my phone. My phone’s vibration can tingiza a matatu worse than those potholes in Rongai slip roads. (One time I took a cab and the rogue driver came with the audacity talking about “Heh, na huku mlipiga kura kweli??”) Meanwhile, I’m in the back holding onto dear life 😑👇Cat in deep space

I digress. Anyway thanks to all the noise and attention my phone made, me and the two babes became buddies when one of them made light banter about my phone. Then the other chimed in.., and the other chimed as well… and the other replied. The other one couldn’t help but respond. We laughed and laughed; when really it was like…

Cat in deep space

The conductor then turned to us and said, “hiyo chama hapo nyuma, oya! Fare!” Btw, thank you for the save bro! Because after that distraction, these two Bernie-Mac-(not-wearing-Mac-though)-wannabes finally stopped with the hurtful comments.

We sat in silence and then I got a call. A soft spoken lady identified herself as Brenda from from my (other) bank. We exchanged pleasantries and she went on to inquire about my problem. She was very resourceful – going over and above explaining the probable issue and prospective solutions.

She even mentioned some ongoing draw and how so many of the winners had come to pick their prices. She would also occasionally ask me to hold the line as she redirected the ‘horde of winners’ to the pick-up lounge and then get back to me. I asked how long the promo was on for and she went on to woo me into wanting in!

A few extra free buck in this our year of COVID? Sign me up!

She asked for my details. Some seemed off but heck, refer to my greed above.

When I was all set up we hang up. Shortly I got a confirmatory text that my transaction was complete. I had been duped. Mimi.

Turns out this human had traced my tweet. She went a step further to contact one of my follower friends asking for my number.

Guys and girls, this is your friendly reminder to be extremely vigilant and protective of your data. And in equal measure, don’t be the one giving out people’s deets without their permission. Nah rocket science ting; just common courtesy and observance, coolio?  

We’re in the frontline to fighting fraud. The cons have gotten smart; you NEED to get smarter!

By the way, kama unaitwa Kama; na unaishi Witeithie; you drive a Grey Subaru; na unaishi karibu na stage ikona matope design ya Kinoo – the ghels walisema weh ni ki-cute lakini haunanga pesa 😂😂😂😂

Heri mimi.



The Witty Banker

Sep 18, 2020 Trending

Popular Articles